If you want a successful relationship, a great place to begin is to learn about emotional intelligence. Relationships have a direct correlation with emotional development. Relationships are like mirrors that reflect our vibrations from our thoughts and feelings, and work as barometers of our emotional well-being. Every relationship can teach us something about ourselves, and is a spiritual experience from which we can gain emotional freedom.
A great deal of emotional intelligence is learned from childhood. If you have predominantly successful relationships, chances are you learned a lot of positive relationship skills during your youth. If you did not learn adequate relationship skills as a child, it’s all right. There is always room for improvement. Below are four very important keys to having a successful relationship.
1. Pay attention to your emotions
The first step to unconditional love, is by becoming aware of your own emotions. This will shift your awareness and help you create healthy relationships. Here’s how it works.
You can experience a wide range of emotions on a daily basis; positive and negative. As you become aware of your emotions and completely accept them, you enter the feeling of unconditional love. In this pure positive state, all unwanted negative emotions automatically dissolve.
This is why it’s so important for you to pay attention to your feelings, especially during an argument. Recognize the feeling that arises and be aware of the emotion, but don’t act upon it. Just observe where the emotion is located in your body, and don’t get pulled into the drama.
2. Release negative emotions
Losing your emotional baggage is very important if you want a successful relationship. So, the next step is to release your negative emotions. Make time to be with yourself for a while, to explore your emotions. This is particularly helpful after an argument.
Ask yourself what you are feeling (anger, sadness, frustration etc.), and where the feeling is located in your body (stomach, heart, throat etc.). Place your hand on the area of the emotion and express it. For example: “I feel sadness/anger here”.
Now, take responsibility for your emotion. Realize that you have allowed and created this feeling with your own thoughts. Example of not taking responsibility for your own emotions, is when you are being a victim and say things like “it is your fault”, “you made me angry” etc.. No one can make you feel anything, so you can’t blame anyone for your own feelings. Thoughts create emotions, and you choose what you think about.
The final step in releasing your negative emotion, is by taking deep breaths and visualizing how the negative emotion moves out of your body. Release the emotion with each exhale, until you feel at peace.
Learn these three simple steps to release your negative emotions:
- acknowledge the emotion
- take responsibility for your emotion
- take deep breaths and visualize how the negative emotion moves out of your body
If you cannot recognize and take responsibility for your own thoughts and emotions, you will not fully be there for your partner. When you stop listening to your destructive thoughts; your ego, and start listening to your inner wisdom, your consciousness shifts and you will be able to look beyond yourself to others. As you learn to truly know yourself, you can better empathize with your partner’s feelings.
3. Take responsibility for your part
For a successful relationship, you must be able to take responsibility for your part in it, and manage your end. As you stop listening to your ego and become more present, your awareness of your spirituality increases. You will point fingers less at your partner for unhappiness, and look inside yourself to see what is going on. If you can be honest, compassionate, and offer unconditional love, the chances that your relationship will be a success increase.
4. Communicate your needs
The final key to a successful relationship is to be able to communicate your needs. Emotions are feelings that arise due to thoughts in our mind. Emotions are connected with our needs and if our needs are being met, then we tend to feel good. If our needs are not being met, then we tend to feel bad. A key to successful relationships is to be able to communicate to your partner what it is that you need. Be as specific as you can. Take responsibility for your feelings. You can begin with saying something like, “I feel disappointed when you say something and don’t follow through with it. It makes me feel like you don’t care.” Once you have expressed your feeling, tell your partner what you need. You could say, “I need you to follow through with what you say. When you don’t, it breaks down my trust for you.”
Successful relationships are possible with some time and effort. You need to truly know yourself and your emotions, and let go of any emotional baggage. Learn how to manage your emotions, and be up front about what you need from your partner. By doing so, you will be able to enjoy your relationship more and more.