Whether having been in a serious relationship and now searching for “the one”, or coming out of a series of relationships and suddenly being alone – discover how to be happy being single. Yes, it is possible to be happy single!
It can be particularly hard at first, especially coming out of a long-term relationship. Dealing not only with the hurt and baggage of the lost relationship, but also rediscovering oneself, which can be a daunting process.
Having identified with being one half of a couple, to suddenly become single can feel like a lonely place to be. It can be common to feel vulnerable and exposed, particularly when out socializing. Without the crutch of a partner at their side, newly singles can feel somewhat naked as if part of them is missing.
The key to becoming happy and single is to rediscover the person that they now are outside of the relationship, to identify their strong points and to be happy being single. The worst thing that they can do is to try to hold onto the relationship if it has run its course, or to resist being single. Accepting the situation for what it is, letting go and moving forward is the best way to be happy single.
But is there any difference between a woman and a man when it comes to being single and happy?
One important step in learning how to be happy being a single woman is to know your facts. You are not alone living without a partner. In fact, singles outnumber married people in America! According to a CityLab article, a report by Martin Prosperity Institute says about 50.2% Americans over the age of 16 are single. We are no longer living in the 1950s when only 22 percent of the adults were single. The world has changed. Women are more independent. It’s time to embrace your independence! The other crucial step in learning how to be a happy single woman, is to love yourself more and to incorporate positive and empowering habits.
Start your day on a positive note. Say to yourself: “I intend to feel fantastic today!”. Affirmations are very powerful. The best time to affirm is doing it in the morning when you are fresh and without any resistance. Then, as the day goes by, your old habits of thoughts will take over – provided you haven’t pre-paved your day with positive thoughts. Try doing some uplifting affirmations every morning and see how it goes. The first day you may not be able to stay positive throughout breakfast, but the next day it will get easier … and so you build it up. Learning how to be a happy single woman is all about self-love and incorporating positive habits of thoughts. As with anything new, it will take some practice and persistence from your part. Remember that a belief is just a habit of thoughts and you can change one thought at a time!
Another important step in learning how to be a happy single woman, is to take care of yourself in the same way you did before you met your ex. What kind of healthy habits did you have back then? Examples of healthy routines can be to: get more sleep, go to the gym, have a certain beauty routine, eat more healthy, eat regularly, drink more water, focus on your interests and hobbies etc.
Other things you can do as learning how to be happy as a single woman is to appreciate your own company and be your best friend. Stay passionate and try new things in life – sign up for a salsa, yoga, or cooking lesson etc. Stop rehearsing the past (your ex and what might have been etc.) and place your attention on the here and now. Be thankful for all the wonderful things you have in your life right now – the fact that you can breathe and move your body, appreciate that you have a comfortable bed where you can rest, be grateful for the food you eat everyday, appreciate nature, find beauty everywhere you go, etc.
Did you know that relationship break-ups may affect men harder than women?! This discovery was published in the “Journal of Health and Social Behaviour” and the study was based on a survey of 1,000 unmarried 18 to 23-year-olds in Florida. They noticed that men don’t display their depression to friends as women often do. Instead, they are more likely to store up their emotions and bury their feelings in alcohol.
The centers of the brain that is responsible for motivation and reward are equally stimulated by love and addictive substances like alcohol and drugs. In learning how to be a happy single man, it is therefore very important to incorporate healthy habits that are stimulating feelings of motivation and reward. Sports of all kinds will help you to get back on track. Physical exercise has effects on the seretonin and dopamin levels. These brain chemicals are responsible for our mood (including motivation and reward). Note that stretching exercises will not increase your uptake of serotonin, according to an article in “Scandinavian Journal of Medicine and Science in Sports”. It’s important that you do at least 30 minutes of daily exercise 3-5 days a week, which will certainly help in your quest of being a happy single guy.
Listen to your inner voice and do things that make you feel happy. Master your ego and monitor your feelings.
No matter if you are a single woman or a single man, to understand how to be happily single, it may be necessary to look back on the relationship when the time is right from a impartial perspective – to look at any lessons that came up to be learnt during the relationship. So many people never take the time to stop and evaluate their previous relationship, the good and the bad aspects. It’s only in identifying what worked and what didn’t work that they can be happy being single and discover what they want in the next relationship. It’s also an important process to let go of any demons in the closet from the previous relationship, move on and be happy being single.
Quite often people only stay in a relationship due to their fears. They believe if they become single they will be lonely, unloved, never find someone better, or worse still, they will remain single forever! Obviously none of these fears are good reasons to stay in an unhappy pairing. It’s better to be single and happy than to be in a relationship and miserable.
There is also the fear of change and the unknown. Change can be daunting, and facing into the unknown takes a great deal of courage. The rewards however are huge and while the thoughts of change can be scary, in reality after taking that first step into the unknown, there’s a feeling of relief and life can take exciting twists and turns, leading down paths that would never have been expected otherwise. The other aspect is to realize that the seeming comfort of an existing unhappy relationship is in fact no real comfort but a state of constant unease and longing for something different, something better. Even change within a relationship is inevitable, as each person grows together or apart, the dynamics of the relationship are constantly changing.
Having the time to put things into perspective and to ask a few valuable questions is an advantage of being single and a key to a happy single life. Asking simple questions like “why has this come about”, “is there a lesson to learn” and “what changes do I need to make” can produce a lot of insight. It also helps to realize that everything happens at the right time and once any lessons that have come up are integrated, it opens up space to move forward. It also shifts focus from an attitude of “poor me” to one of recognition and acceptance.
Time alone can be a good thing, allowing space to fully accept oneself without the need for others to provide love. When someone is comfortable in their own skin, only then can they be happily single and go on to be comfortable and happy in a relationship. If the reason for being in a relationship is to feel better about themselves, they will never find a suitable relationship or ways to be happy single, as those feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy will still remain. Self-acceptance will benefit not only future relationships but also every aspect of life.
Rather than jumping out of one relationship straight into the next, being happily single allows time to evaluate what is really desired from a relationship. What traits are desired in a partner? Sit down and take the time to write out what an ideal partner is like; their characteristics, personality, looks, physical traits, nationality, job, age, interests and so on. Go into as much detail as possible but leave room for some scope; if too rigid in the description it may limit the options! Once the list is complete, put it in a safe place, knowing that this ideal partner is on their way. It doesn’t matter if they turn up a week later or a year later, trusting they will arrive, just let go, be happy single and enjoy life.
Running away from fears only makes them grow stronger, often seeming bigger and more powerful than in reality. If on the other hand a fear is faced, it diminishes greatly and often disappears altogether. Being happy single, means turning and facing the fear of being alone, not just temporarily until the next relationship but the fear of being single for life. Play out what a single life would look like, what feelings come up and if this reality is really as bad as it seems?
Coming out of a relationship that wasn’t working, the freedom of newly found singledom can be refreshing. No longer weighed down with the burden of having to please someone else, the single individual can now be single and happy through pleasing themselves. Taking care of oneself can often take a back seat when in a relationship, neglecting individual needs for the sake of the relationship. There is now more time for items that were on the wish list, such as trying a new sport or attending a course or doing something that a previous partner didn’t approve of or wasn’t interested in.
Being single can be an exciting time. The prospect of meeting new people, going on dates and visiting new places—even if only a different restaurant than the local— can all be very exciting. There is also the excitement of “what if” and the unknown. The excitement of a new connection, chemistry and the thrill of flirting. Even if it doesn’t lead to a relationship, the fun aspect of these interactions can be fully enjoyed when happy single.
The mistake many people make is assuming that everyone who is in a relationship is happier than they would be if they were single. Not true! Many relationships are fraught with unhappiness, dishonesty, begrudging, emotional manipulation and everything in between. From the outside it may not be evident but behind closed doors there is a great deal of unhappiness. People stay in unhappy relationships for a myriad of reasons and justifications but at the end of the day, they know deep down that they would be happier single. All it takes is a bit of strength and great deal of courage to take that step to being single and happy.
Learning to be happy single is the most important lesson in life and the path to spiritual growth. According to Deepak Chopra “‘I want love’ is a state that can be transformed into ‘I am love'” then searching for love elsewhere can end as no fear or uncertainty remains, love comes through Source from within and is infinite.
Any external source of love is unreliable, love comes and goes. The only true, constant source of love is divine love that resides in each person. Tapping into this source is as simple as going within and rediscovering that place of unlimited, pure, powerful love. Once that realization and experience has been gained, the state of “I accept love” can be understood. Not needing love from others but welcoming and accepting it when it arrives. Living a happy single life means not just knowing that “I am love” but feeling it deep within.
As the saying goes “sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince.” Having learnt and grown from the experience of past relationships, being single can be a time of enjoyment and anticipation, and a step closer to meeting Mr./Ms. Right or your twin flame.
Knowing how to be single and happy is the first step; the next step is using these guidelines and living a single but happy life. Don’t forget “whatever you resist in life persists” and if resistance is coming up to being single, it will make life harder and push away potential relationships. At the same time, chasing after a relationship exudes a sense of fear, having to go out and get what is desperately sought rather than waiting for the right person to come along at the right time.
So for now, just remember to be happy to be single – you alone are enough.